When I was a kid, I would remember spending hours and hours watching National Geographic Channel to discover the mystery of the Earth. Or those evenings when I would spend time writing lines and stories for my dolls and stuffed animals. Or the puzzles, and the clothes that I made myself…
And now, when I’m halfway through university, I’m sitting here recalling all those things, or else, maybe just sleeping in class, or lying around wondering about what I love and what I want to do next.
So, what happened to me?
Where have all my kid stuff gone?
Where has my creativity gone?
I have no idea.
But what I do know is I’ve been wasting my time a lot.
I spend most of my time attending classes that I know for sure are not at all suitable for me. But why am I still holding on to these? Because I’m afraid. Afraid of having nothing to do with my life. Afraid of disappointing my beloved family. Afraid of how people will see me as a drop-out.
But keeping going on with no self-direction like this, I’ve let myself down.
I spend another tiny part of my limited time joining in all programs that I could ever think of. Volunteer work. Forums. English clubs. Whatever. I would say that Facebook has spoiled me a lot on this aspect. Whenever I log in, scroll down, and I see people taking part in things that the majority consider to be cool stuff, I’ll strike to find my way in.
Some people might compliment me on being active in community services, but to be honest, I don’t know what I’m falling for right now.
Is it fame?
Is it passion?
I don’t know.
I wouldn’t say that my university life has been completely wasted. There were times when I dedicated my heart to the work, and there were experiences that I might never be able to find again in my life. But I’m getting tired of chasing after unreal passion. My boyfriend said that I was having too much on my plate and that bulky plate blurred my vision. He was right. Absolutely right. But what should I give up?
Well, I’m not so sure.
But, jogging down all those thoughts, I realize that I love writing. Writing can ease my soul when I feel down or despaired. It raises my mood even higher when I’m happy and helps me keep all my memory alive in letters.
Okay! Maybe it’s time to take a risk!
It’s time to turn my life into a brand new page, to challenge my life with something new. Something that’s been there next to me the whole time. Something I did every single day without hesitation but didn’t think that I love it. Something that could be my lifetime passion.
It’s time to change…